“Fears are nothing more than a state of mind!! – Napoleon Hill”
Sleep last night was illusive – they say keep your mobile phones outside the bedroom and use an alarm clock instead. I tried but gave up because of a lurking fearsome thought – what if someone tries to reach me in the middle of the night!!
As usual, woke up with a heavy head and confused mind. Unbolted the door to pick up the daily dose of milk, and realized there is a shadow lurking around. I was rooted to the spot. Though I was inside the house, a sudden fear gripped the senses – Who is this ? what if he attacks me now, what is he thinking? why is he here ?
Mam, paper ! The shadow was of my news paper guy …
Relieved and astonished at my fears, I switched on the gas to make my usual morning cup of tea and starting turning the pages of the newspaper.
The clock struck 8.15 AM, and my newly developed fear surfaced – what if maid is late again.. I prefer to follow a schedule and be in office at 9:30 AM. It bestows a comfort that if on time I can finish my chores easily. The fear grows until I hear the app notification.
As I press the lift button for 10th floor , I utter a silent prayer hoping people are on time. Not for work – the thought of having the first office cuppa alone is a bit scary.
The movie show is at 6:20 PM. I press the accelerator hard in the fear of missing the beginning of a Hollywood movie. The movie was all about speed vs man’s endurance. Good enough to justify my need for speed.
As I unlock the car to head back, I notice a small metallic piece in driver’s seat. No idea what it was . Enough to make me wonder what if the car swirls just like the La Mans racer cars.
Back home, as I switched off the lights and checked and rechecked all the bolts, plugs and knobs again and again, the fear of unrelated, bizarre dreams slowly creeps in.
Apart from these there are those constant fears – of losing someone, of losing something, of hurting someone, of getting hurt, of doing an injustice, of not being ethical, of not being around, of not being emphatic, of being nobody, of being everybody to somebody, of not understanding, of not being understood…Never realized the list would be so long.
Overthinking..probably..but what if my brain stops thinking at all – just one thought I don’t fear at all !!